Beauty Within and Without

That night that I found out I was HIV positive, I didn't want to be alone. I joined my orgmates to a 'house colding' -- a farewell celebration as one leaves a home for another one.

When we got there, we were introduced to new friends, friends of our friend who was celebrating. Among the bunch of guys -- half straight, half gay, I noticed someone: this girl who was the best friend of our friend, who was a busybody cleaning up after everyone, tidying the kitchen as fast as she could. I popped into the kitchen to say hello, and she gave me a quick glance and a smile, then carried on with her chores. It seemed she was trying so hard to be invisible to us, especially because physically she did not have a frail frame.

Later that night, I was drinking, smoking and chatting with friends at the balcony. I vaguely remember how things happened but I ended up talking intimately with this girl. I do remember giving her unsolicited (yet with permission) observations about how withdrawn she seemed, avoiding eye contact or even polite conversation. I think she seemed taken aback by the fact that I noticed her, but I was the one taken aback after when she slowly opened up to me about her past experiences.

I was looking intently thru her eyes and I could feel the pain inside. I asked her about this. And she recalled to me how her past relationships had failed, convincing herself that she wasn't worthy of being loved. After more questions, we were discussing her language of love. Apparently it was words of affection. And she had only been getting criticism instead of praise. Her eyes had become watery and tears were starting to fall.

When we had to go, I looked at her and assured her, "You are truly beautiful. I hope you can see that." I had the urge to give her a tight hug and I felt it reciprocated. She thanked me after. And although I wasn't able to get her number or give her mine, I felt I was able to connect well with her and had given her a little encouragement I hoped she'd keep with her.

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Today, my Facebook popped a notification from a name that sounded familiar yet I couldn't place from where. It was shortly followed by a chat message:

Hi. This is AAA, LLL's friend.

Oh hi! Will accept your friend request

Thank you dear. I missed you. You left a fine imprint in my soul when you hugged me at LLL's party.

Aw.. nakakataba ng puso. thanks. I hope you're doing fine. Pay it forward. And I will say it again: You are truly beautiful. *hugs*

I'm definitely beautiful. Yes, will pay it forward.

Atta gurl!

Once in a while life presents to us these small opportunities when we get that chance to touch another person's life -- strangers sometimes. I grabbed that opportunity that night. And today I have been rewarded with a heartfelt thank you that warms my heart.